10 reasons not to skip Missoula on your next tour

December 18, 2014 § 2 Comments

Inspired by a post over at For the Love of Punk, I’ve decided to come up with super valid reasons why you (and “you” here means bands on Dirtnap and Relapse records, for my part) should really play Missoula on your next tour. I can prove that we are even cooler than Detroit, in fact. To wit:

1. We aren’t a bunch of fashion punks, unless you count the slutty dresses I buy at Wet Seal as “fashion” (and I do.) Hell, a lot of Montanans don’t even wear clothes. Our body hair is just naturally buffalo-check-flannel pattern.

2. Our shows are DIY. I mean, how could they not be? Out here in the sticks, everything is DIY. When I’m not at the office, I’m raising goats, spinning yarn and building my own yurt.

3. We can fill shows, sometimes. This is true: if a show is 18-plus, and promoted via posters and Facebook, and happens at a well-known bar on the night after a major football game, a ton of people will show up and only some of them will pass out facedown on a table in the back.

4. Yes, there is a risk that you will die in a fiery car wreck on the snowy, icy mountain passes on the way to and fro. This risk is only October through June, though.

5. Burns St. Bistro is the best. It hasn’t been around super long, but it’s already the go-to hangover brunch spot where you slurp BYOB mimosas if you like and await a gleaming Marty’s arrival. (If you play a show here, you’ll know Marty by now.) Just don’t pull a Red Fang and hang out for two hours on a busy Sunday.

6. The people here are really nice. Seriously, we smile at each other on the street even when it’s inadvisable. We have to be nice, because we all know each other and probably dated each other at one point or another.

7. You made my favorite music. Seriously, bands, local punx are sorta hard up for entertainment of the non-bluegrass or EDM variety ’round these parts, and I will lose my mind if I get to see you in my hometown. One time Drag the River played here on a quiet Sunday, and only 10 people showed up, but those 10 people almost smothered Drag the River with their affection, sing-alongs and free shots of whiskey. I watched Chad Price take six or seven shots of whiskey just while playing his set. That’s how much we will love you to death here.

8. Rock Lotto. Seeing Rock Lotto wouldn’t make a whole ton of sense if you didn’t know the motley crew of musicians who reside here, but it’s a hell-of-fun annual show in February where randomly assigned musicians show off the crazy bands they’ve put together in a couple month’s time. We make homemade T-shirts for it and stuff. It’s heartwarming. This year one of the bands has to cover 4 Non Blondes. I am stoked.

9. We have our own memes! Mostly they are about Marty. (Courtesy of Kyle “Screamin’ Eagle of Lefse” Kulseth.)

martinpleasurebottommartymeme

10. We are more hospitable than your grandmother. Most of the credit for this goes to Marty (you met Marty, right?), because if he loves you, he will make you dinner according to your dietary preferences (his vegan chili’s pretty good) and then stock up on whatever booze you like and have you over for a party at his house after the show. Goes without saying that you will have a place to stay. Mean Jeans drank Jager shots out of a spoon at his house just last month. You, too, could drink Jager out of the same spoon as Mean Jeans. Come play Missoula!

(If you want to get mad at me about this, go look up “humor” in the dictionary.)

P.P.S. we have a thing called Total Fest in August. Visit totalfest.org or email total.fest.organizer@gmail.com.

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