Date Ideas for Dirtbags; Or, Everything I Know About Romance I Learned from Pop Punk

April 21, 2015 § Leave a comment

This listicle inspired by Kate getting sickened by one too many cutesy posts on Pinterest. (Not that this isn’t kind of cute, but it is just not realistic for a punx lifestyle, really.)

ok this is kinda cute

image via

Okay, so you’ve got your eye on a local cutie-pie who seems to share your affinity for unwashed denim, ill-conceived Black Flag tattoos and swilling PBR. Here’s some fun date ideas to seal the deal with your dirtbag. (Any basis on real-life events or song lyrics is entirely imagined, okay, sheesh.)

-Mention that you are going to a show on Saturday night. When the object of your affection shows up, avoid them until they come up and say hi while you’re out having a cig.

-Case race! If you’re hanging out with a cutie and dunno how to, like, talk about stuff, hang out in a garage with two cases of beer and see who can drink them the fastest.

-Meet at Fest, exchange first names.

-Stay up all night listening to records in your bedroom, terrified to make a move.

-Confess that you have a crush on ’em and make out in the alley behind the Union Hall.

-Take her out on a Friday night, wear cologne to get the feeling right. When you start making out, turn on the TV.

-Watch SLC Punk while cuddling on a futon mattress

-The couple that moshes together, stays together. They who skank it up just might break it up, though, to be warned.

-Bring a vegan pumpkin pie to contribute to your dude’s Food Not Bombs meeting; you’ll score points when his homeless friends call it “dank.”

-Go to the Philly Pizza Company and order hot tea. When the waitress says they only have it iced, jump up on the table and shout “Anarchy!”

-Make plans to go out with buddies and then only one dude shows up. You are accidentally on a date and don’t want to bone this person. Oops. Go straight to jail, do not collect $200.

-Take your sweetie to a poetry reading at a bookstore and then realize they’re only humoring you until they can get drunk

-Busk outside the Portland Saturday Market together

-Smuggle in box wine to the theater and see Avengers

-When your dude drives down the hill to your house, wait on the step, steam showing off your breath, and then pull each other into one, parkas clinging on the lawn.

(Damn, Jawbreaker is so sappy when you write it out.)

any other ideas?

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